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To Feel Alive Ch 8 Can You Save Me From This World Of Mine?
Ryuk Light flirty
A/N: This is a Death Note fanfic. I don't own Death Note.

Light couldn’t believe this.

Ryuk was awkward and embarrassing and he hadn’t felt so humiliated and yet he was already missing the feeling of Ryuk’s strong arms all around him.

Light had yet to really analyze his own (stupid) feelings towards the Shinigami though he already knew, strategically, what he had to do about it.

Light was well-aware that if the Shinigami wanted to hurt him he could do so… easily but most of the time the monster took great care not to hurt him and when he did it was never out of maliciousness. Even when considering all those times Ryuk had scared him… er, made him feel a bit uncomfortable, over the last few days… Light got the feeling that his Shinigami wasn’t exactly sadistic, he had just never been socialized in appropriate behavior—Light very much doubted that the Shinigami realm held classes on ethics and manners. In many ways Ryuk was just like a kid, really, trapped in the body of a seven foot tall monster.

It’s up to me to set an example then….

Just telling Ryuk what was and wasn’t appropriate wouldn’t be enough—he’d also have to teach through his own actions and if Ryuk caught him not living up to those standards then the Shinigami would no doubt view it fair game to break any such rules he saw as pointless or arbitrary or non-applicable to them.

He hated this already. Up until now Light had thought that maybe Ryuk would be the one… person he could be himself around… but then there was that—Ryuk had already seen his true self and wouldn’t accept a “perfect act” even if he tried—it would be suspicious if he suddenly changed his behavior now and Ryuk would no doubt see right through it. It couldn’t be just an act then—he would actually have to live up to his own standards and damn if that didn’t sound horrible when he put it that way. Light wanted to live up to his own standards that he set up for his New World but to do so would be stupid and dangerous and not to his advantage if he wanted to stay alive. Just by being Kira he had inevitably taught the Shinigami some unfortunate lessons such as “lying is okay if you are in mortal peril and bad things will happen otherwise.” He couldn’t exactly demonstrate complete honesty to Ryuk without hurting a lot of people… and getting arrested and executed. Those were outcomes he would rather to avoid.

He would have to make a conscious effort to remain as fair and high-minded as his ideals as Kira in order to demonstrate proper behavior to Ryuk. Of course Light always thought of himself as being on his best behavior but, admittedly, this would limit the sort of tactics he could employ. Light had initially been considering working his way down until he’d ultimately eliminated all the evils in the world but perhaps that approach was a bit too idealistic. Light was beginning to realize that perhaps he’d set the standards for the world too high—after all he still observed the everyday evils that occurred within his school. His school—an insignificant microcosm of his New World, and yet so far he still felt so maddeningly powerless to influence. Dammit, just how many people did he have to kill before they realized this bullying behavior was not acceptable? Despite the threat of Kira his classmates weren’t yet showing any signs of correcting their behavior—Light could only watch on as Sudou still stole Ryou’s lunch money and a group of girls viciously ripped another of their number apart.

It’s not enough. It’s still rotten!

But that wasn’t all. It was Ryuk, again, that had brought something to Light’s attention that honestly hadn’t occurred to the teen genius—different places have different rules. For instance, gambling was illegal in Japan but apparently it flourished in the Shinigami world, being the Shinigami’s most favored past-time aside from napping. When he first digested that information Light hadn’t thought anything of it—they were Shinigami, of course, and thus evil creatures. But the more Light got to know Ryuk the more convinced he became that Ryuk wasn’t exactly… evil, just different—unsophisticated, maybe, and rude, definitely, but nevertheless Light found Ryuk to be overall a pretty solid guy and cool to hang around even though he was a Shinigami and even though at times he could be so… frustrating. Though Light was uncertain just how much of Kira’s ire Ryuk truly deserved and how much of it was due to Light’s own awkwardness at finding himself having this rather unfortunate attraction to the monster. The teen decided it wouldn’t exactly be a just, fair, or Godly to blame the Shinigami for his own lack of control over his hormones. There was also the fact that Ryuk seemed to be trying to correct his behavior now, making a conscious effort t to be nice to him—proving that the Shinigami could change and learn from his mistakes. He was capable of shame, guilt… contrition, thus proving to Light that he wasn’t pure evil and thus could be redeemed into a productive member of society—had the Shinigami actually cared about human society. Besides, Light reasoned, how could Ryuk truly be evil l when he gave him the means by which he could eradicate evil from the world? Light decided that if Ryuk were to somehow miraculously turn human he would be spared Kira’s wrath and Light would graciously overlook his past as a monster…

If there is a God or higher power than I, that’s your cue to turn Ryuk into a big sexy stud-beast. Come on, just give him a more human face, I’ve been a very good boy and that would be most appreciated…

The seconds ticked by and Ryuk remained an ugly undead monster and Light still found himself, admittedly, being more than a little attracted to him.


Well, it looks like there is no God—other than me, of course... All the more reason to be a just and merciful God.

Back to the point—gambling. Gambling is illegal in Japan but it’s legal in many other countries. In fact I recall that in some places people depended on it for their livelihood—they had no other options. The same is true for other morally questionable professions like, say, prostitution. Should I punish people that have been forced into criminality by circumstances? No. Of course not! A just God would never punish sinners with excusable circumstances. I’m not about to punish the petty criminals that way…

But then, what about thieves that were only trying to feed their families? Perhaps I shouldn’t punish the petty criminals at all—after all, such offenses don’t warrant the death penalty in most just legal systems.

I’ll stick to smiting the worst—murderers, torturers, terrorists, rapists... I must always remember to draw a firm line on who is and who is not a viable target and always explain my reasoning to Ryuk—it’s the only way to teach him about justice. He just doesn’t know any better but he does have the capacity to learn. In fact this morning Ryuk has been very good to me—quiet, polite, sweet, er… I mean he’s gone out of his way to be nice…

Wait a minute, a God of Death is being suddenly, suspiciously nice to me. Perhaps I should be worried…

The teen turned to regard the Shinigami and caught him staring. Light was taken aback—the monster had a look of such profound longing on his face.



“Why are you being so nice to me all of sudden?”

The Shinigami seemed to fidget from where he floated behind him, leaning slightly over the boy’s shoulder.

Ryuk wanted to warn Light about the state of his lifespan which seemed dangerously low to the immortal monster but the rules forbade the Shinigami from just telling his human of the danger. There was no telling what a human might do if they knew their own lifespan—especially a human with a Death Note.

He’s doomed. His only hope was that he could seduce the boy in time or, failing that, to make his final days as comfortable as possible.

“I’m always nice.” Ryuk insisted and Light shot him a look. “What, I can’t just do nice things for my favorite human?” The Shinigami once again crooned to him in that stupid seedy voice. Light glanced behind him to once again see the monster staring at him with bedroom eyes.


Dammit, it’s worse than I thought. He is completely, totally infatuated with me. Dammit. In order to stay on top of the situation—I’m going to have to let him screw me in the near future.

The teen shivered slightly at the thought, and was embarrassed to discover that his body seemed to think that idea was quite agreeable regardless of the many misgivings as well as the inherent disgust and discomfort the idea held for his rational mind. Light’s breath hitched when suddenly he felt a wing feather tickling softly against the nape of his neck.

“Would you cut it out?” Light hissed.

“What? I’m not even touching you!” His Shinigami said, snickering.

Light spun around and was surprised to discover that Ryuk was actually telling the truth. He really wasn’t touching him with his wing feather as Light had surmised—Light just so happened to be standing close enough that one of Ryuk’s shoulder feathers was tickling against the nape of his neck. The boy flushed in absolute mortification, clutching the brick wall for support because, dammit, just the hint at being touched by Ryuk was making him go weak at the knees.

“Dammit, what the hell are you doing to me?” Light groaned. The teenage swallowed hard and shook his head as in the vain hope of banishing the unwanted sexual images his mind had conjured regarding his Shinigami.

I want… Dammit! I want Ryuk to touch me again.

Ryuk’s staring intensified as he watched how Light’s long pretty bangs fell in his eyes.

“Did you want me to hug you again? I’d be happy to oblige you but I didn’t want to annoy you...”

The heat rose in the boy’s face at the recent memory of Ryuk’s strong arms holding him in that comforting embrace. It might not be so bad...

“You can…” the sociopathic teen stuttered out, blushing furiously as he attempted to actually express himself. Light was unsure quite what he felt about his monstrous companion and as such was quite visibly flustered. His past… relationships, they had never been complicated with such odd… feelings before. Light found, to his mortification, that he really did like Ryuk even though he was an embarrassing idiot and not that pleasing to look at. Maybe it was just gratitude? After all he extremely was grateful to Ryuk for dropping his notebook. It was his Shinigami that made everything possible.


Ryuk prompted the flustered teenager, the monster’s usual fangy smile stretching into a knowing grin.

“I-it’s okay, Ryuk. You can hug me.”

But when Ryuk made no move to embrace him at the invitation, Light’s blush deepened, this time in humiliation.

Just what the hell is he playing at?

Light had been on the receiving end of such emotional manipulations before and had decided it was the absolute worst thing you could do to a person—such an action was unforgivable. He wasn’t about to play this game with the Shinigami!

Ryuk?!” Light hissed, trying to quell his rapidly rising rage and humiliation at the thought that Ryuk had just played him like that.

Ryuk must have caught his tone—Light was taken aback when the Shinigami actually looked pained.

“I want to but… that asshole from earlier is coming this way and I didn’t think you’d want to be caught by him unawares.”

The teenage mass murderer gave a frustrated snarl before he turned to face his latest annoyance.

Damn, Yamamoto! It’s a crying shame I can’t just kill him! Light thought as Yamamoto attempted to corner him once again. Light had to stop himself from laughing out loud at the schoolboy’s pathetic attempts at being intimidating.

“Hey Light-o. Is it just me or does he kinda look a bug in those glasses?”

Ryuk remarked behind him and Light had to bite his lip, really struggling to keep it in—well aware that when being confronted by one’s schoolyard nemesis is really not a good time to break out into insane giggles.

Exactly, who does this pathetic insect think he is challenging Gods of Death?!

The bespectacled boy leered, taking note of the other teen’s flushed face and slightly shaking frame as he cornered him by his locker.

“Does just the thought of me get you going?” Yamamoto snickered at the flustered-looking teen.

“Believe it or not, my worl—the world doesn’t revolve around you.” Light retorted flippantly.

“You know you didn’t have to lie like that just to impress me. I’m sure Taro wouldn’t be opposed to, you know… sharing. Maybe the three of us could…”

Light tried not to startle at the sound of Ryuk’s boots thumping loudly on the pavement, his belt chain jingling as he drew closer behind him, and his Shinigami began growling softly in a dominant display which was utterly lost on his potential rival, seeing as he couldn’t even see or hear Ryuk. While the sight of a jealous Ryuk was more than a bit terrifying, paradoxically the monster looming behind him actually made him feel safe. The whole situation—it was kind of like his desk trap, really. Sure Ryuk was dangerous but it hadn’t escaped Light’s notice that the Shinigami was becoming just a bit… protective of him lately. For some reason Light couldn’t help but find the Shinigami’s possessive, protective display to be very arousing, the sight of Ryuk’s posturing sending another pleasant thrill up his spine. Even though no one else could see or feel the dark aura of a certain God of Death looming behind him Light felt a boost of confidence just knowing he had Ryuk at his back. And yes, he was well aware that, like his desk trap, this could potentially blow up in his face.

“No, Yamamoto. It’s just like I already told you—I’m seeing someone. That hasn’t changed since this morning,” Light stated casually as he tried to push past the infuriated boy.

“Who? You’re imaginary boyfriend? Maybe he can join in.”

Light had to hold in a laugh when Ryuk made a face. “I do have some standards, you know.”

“Just what the hell do you take me for? You and I are long over. You made that abundantly clear. Did it not occur to you that I really did find someone else? Someone better?! And unlike you he’s actually nice. He listens to me! He’s cute and he’s sweet and he gives me nice things!”

The other boy regarded him in shocked disbelief. “Shit. You weren’t making that up?” Yamamoto was aware that Light could be an expert bullshiter—what really sold it for Yamamoto was the slight smiles and the way his eyes lit up when speaking of this mystery dick. “There really is someone else?!” he hissed, managing to somehow simultaneously look both furious and absolutely devastated.

Light could almost feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such an asshole.

“Yes. And he’s all mine,” Light said with a slight smirk as Ryuk’s claws fell onto his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Sure Ryuk was crazy about him but that also meant he was crazy about him. The undying loyalty of a Death God wasn’t exactly something to spit at even if the external package was less than appealing. “He’s mine and I’m his. I’m not inclined to share and neither is he.”

“Hyuk, you got that right!”

Light then pushed passed the other boy. Yamamoto tried to stop him again but lost his balance and slammed bodily against the lockers due to a sudden and mysterious gust of wind. Well it almost felt like someone pushed him but there was no one there so that was the only plausible explanation, right? “Crazy weather we’re having, isn’t it?” Light casually observed as Yamamoto glared at him from the ground. The other boy’s eyes widened in horror—illogically he couldn’t help but wonder if Light had somehow been the cause of his accident. That the scorned, spiteful little bitch had taken up witchcraft or consorting with demons just like in one of those stupid horror stories they regularly told to scare each other. It was a stupid idea, yet it took hold in the back of Yamamoto’s mind nonetheless. There was just something in Light’s expression just now—so smug, so… evil! It was the reason he quickly fled from the other boy he had been attempting to intimidate.

“Thanks,” Light mumbled awkwardly once he and Ryuk were alone again. Ryuk guiltily folded up his wing.

Light knew he probably shouldn’t encourage Ryuk’s worrying trend of interacting with other humans but he hadn’t exactly appreciated Yamamoto’s attempts at manhandling him either and he did indeed feel grateful to the Shinigami for stopping it.

Light felt his face heating up again when Ryuk caught his gaze with his own.

“The feeling’s mutual, you know.” Ryuk chuckled darkly as he wrapped his dark wings around him, causing the boy’s breath to hitch again. “So… I’m yours and you’re mine. I’m glad we got that sorted out.” Ryuk rumbled as he gently ran a claw beneath the boy’s chin and gazed at him with hooded eyes.

Light wasn’t sure how long they stood there, just staring at each other but when Ryuk once again drew him into his arms, this time Light didn’t protest. In fact at some point during their clumsy embrace Light decided to take the initiative, standing on the tips of his toes in order to reach up and give the taller male a peck on the cheek.

For a moment the Shinigami froze, sporting an amusingly shocked look on his face, before leaning down to meet him. Ryuk thought his intentions quite clear yet Light placed a hand on his lips, stopping him.

“No teeth,” Light insisted, locking Ryuk with a steely gaze. As always Light had an excellent poker face and that bead of sweat trailing down the side of his face was the only indication that he was, in fact, nervous.

“No teeth,” Ryuk readily assured him.

The boy quite visibly relaxed, even going so far as to reach out and touch Ryuk’s face as the monster tentatively kissed him.

It was messy and awkward and it had Light idly wondering just how many centuries had passed since Ryuk had last been acquainted with a toothbrush and yet, illogically, Light still felt a rather strong spark of something as he let Ryuk hold him close and slop around in his mouth.

For the moment Light was content to just stand there, being held and steadied in Ryuk’s arms as he worked to catch his breath.

“Ryuk… you’re… you’re actually pretty good at that.”

“Y-you think so?” Ryuk asked in surprise as the teen regarded him through sultry half-lidded eyes. Light unconsciously trailed his hand down the Shinigami’s chest and began to reach up again with obvious intent when the warning bell rang.

Dammit!” The teen hissed and then squeaked in sudden alarm at the sudden feeling of Ryuk’s claws gently trailing right against his skin—Ryuk had been busy getting his school uniform dress shirt sloppily untucked in order to work his hand beneath it.


“Hmmm?” Ryuk crooned as he gently rubbed his hand against his back. Light almost didn’t want to stop but...



Light smiled ruefully—at least they were in agreement on that accord. The teen patted the arm of the scowling Shinigami, chuckling lightly “Patience, Ryuk. It’s only a couple more hours. I promise we’ll do something fun later.”

Ryuk just grumbled and growled and flapped along behind him.

“Patience” says the mortal who doesn’t know he has no time to waste. Thought the Shinigami as he gave another worried glance above Light’s head.

Ryuk froze in midair when something just occurred to him about Light’s invitation.

“Wait, does that uh… mean we’re… dating then? It’s a date?”

Light pinned the fidgeting Shinigami with his crimson-tinted stare but his gaze softened as he observed Ryuk’s body language—the Shinigami looked so nervous, so… adorably awkward that Light couldn’t help but take pity on him.

“Yes, Ryuk. It’s a date.”



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They aren't supposed to be so damn cute together, but they are....Ryuk is such a sweetheart when it comes to Light! *smiles*

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